Castle of Ash

The dinner table is well stocked, full of mutton and turkey, pies and cakes of every sort and flavor. The wine flows freely from its skins into the waiting cups of friends and family who have come to celebrate in my castle. Beside me, my queen blushes slightly, her dark hair framing a ravishing beauty with eyes that hold both innocence and wisdom. I love her so, for she is my world.

"A toast," I declare, raising my golden goblet high so that all my guests may hear. "To a life of good tidings for us all, and a special gratitude that the gods have smiled favorably upon me. For here in my kingdom, here in my castle, no better friends could I have known." My friends cheer wildly and drink their wine as I turn to my beloved. "And no better wife could I have loved," I whisper in her ear, causing her to blush and offer a gentle kiss.

I sit back upon my throne, ready to enjoy the first offerings of my kingdom's harvest when a knight, battled and bruised, throws open the banquet doors and rushes in. "The enemy draws near sire, and with them death and destruction!"

Hurriedly I abandon the banquet hall and rush to the watchtowers to see an approaching army dressed only in black as they march towards my castle. Atop midnight horses they ride, quietly and surely, with faces concealed by armor so that with each step closer they grow like looming shadows. When only a small patch of grass separates their numbers from my castle walls, the army halts and stares in unison into my eyes.

"What shall we do sire?" a frightened guest from my banquet asks.

"Worry not," I reply. "For the castle walls are strong and can repel even the fiercest assault."

No sooner had my assurances been declared than did I see the catapults spill forth from the invaders' numbers. With clockwork precision they loaded, readied, and fired.

At once the ground shook beneath my feet. Walls that had stood for ages past began to crumble and watchtowers that once reached far into the heavens fell. The first shots fell upon my treasury, and all the gold coins and precious jewels I once hoarded were flung into the air like so many evening stars. They fell back upon the earth in broken shards, some burying themselves within the ground while others melted within the fires that now burned.

"Your riches are now but worthless tokens my liege," another guest spoke. "For this army has destroyed in an instant that which took a lifetime to create."

"So they have," I acknowledged. "But my riches are not in the treasury where moth and rust can consume. The sting they have inflicted is mighty, but my true wealth lays elsewhere."

"Where then my king, where is your wealth?"

No sooner had the words left his lips than another volley of the catapults' fury rained down upon us. My friend, who just a moment before had stood beside me was now wiped from the earth, his soul dashed by the catapults' fire. I look around to see all of my friends running in terror as wave upon wave extinguished their lives until at last there are none who still draw breath. All of my friends lay scattered around me dead, mere corpses that can neither hear nor tell the tales of men.

To my knees I fall, but no sooner had they buckled than I feel my strength return as my wife, the woman I love more than any soul upon this fair earth joins my side. She lifts me up, wipes the dust and ashes from my crown and places it atop my head. 

"Though you have nothing left, and your kingdom has fallen to dust, I will always stand beside you my king...and my love."

"My kingdom has indeed fallen," I say. "But of my true wealth I have lost not a penny. For I hold my true wealth even now, in my arms and in my heart."

I lean in to kiss her when the final surge of catapult fire arrives. It snatches her from my arms, tossing me across the desolate ruins that once declared my glory. I tumble through the debris, only stopping when I crash into a tall mirror that has managed to survive the onslaught unscathed.

With choking breath I call out my queen's name. No answer. I yell for her, scream for her, but am answered only by the cold wind and morbid songs of vultures overhead. Finally I see her face, resting on the ground as if she has only fallen asleep. Yet when I speak softly her name, her eyes do not open.

Tears fall from my eyes as I weep for the fallen who surround their battered king. A dark rider dismounts his horse and walks towards me. He unsheathes his sword, ready to end my suffering when I say to him, "You have taken everything from me. What have I done to deserve such punishment?"

He raises his sword towards the heavens, readying his fatal blow, then stops short and points his blade towards the unbroken mirror that rests just behind me. I turn slowly, and behold the only remnant of my kingdom as I peer into the looking glass.

The man who stares back has lost all and I finally see how ugly I have become.

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Today my hope was extinguished. The recent years that have passed have not been kind ones and I have managed through them only with the help of a woman in whose graciousness I am forever indebted. She has been an important part of my life for many years, perhaps the most important. She treated me kindly. She once loved me. Yet I returned her grace with barbarity and callous.

I ask to see her again, to tell her all the things that two years of silence have wasted.

"I'm sorry Bobby, but I am seeing someone else."

My breath is stolen. In silence I falter.

She has moved on and I finally understand what I have lost. I miss her. I still love her. But that love is merely ashes of a kingdom that I have already burned to the ground. I have only to look in the mirror to find my greatest enemy.

Just Another Day

Another day, another year, another season of life has passed, and with the close of 2013 we step blissfully into a new year of possibility where the shackles of burdens past are cast aside and a world of opportunity lays before us. Such is the promise a new year. It always is. Every year the world stops to watch a ball in Times Square count down the last remaining seconds of a dying life so that a new one may be reborn from the ashes. Only it is not from ashes, but rather rainbow colored confetti and the familiar tune of Auld Lang Syne that heralds our arrival into this brave new world. We have done it. We have reset the clock for an entire year, but what chapters now follow remain unwritten, just waiting for us to pick up our pen and fill the page.

The first sentence of my page for 2014 has just been written, not more than an hour ago when I was told, "Bobby, thank you for your efforts but we are going to have to let you go." There it is...again. Another layoff, another company I have cast my lot with is going bankrupt, and like a rat fleeing a sinking ship I find myself once again in the cold waters of frustration and uncertainty. Three times...three times I have been laid off since graduating. And with each unfulfilled opportunity, with each failed attempt in the corporate world, I have finally resolved myself to my fate. I'm done. I'm done with this life of pursuing wealth at the expense of my humanity. I'm done with letting the world before my eyes murder the ones of my imagination. Though my resume reads like that of a businessman, my heart is that of a dreamer, a poet, a man whose only real happiness is known within the beauty of a flowing quill. I cannot fall back into a life pursuing wealth, for it is an illness for which there is no cure.

So where will 2014 now take me? I have no ties to Atlanta or anywhere else that might encumber my wanderings. I have no responsibilities to a wife nor children that might command my loyalty. No, I have a duty only to myself, a duty to finish my novel and pursue the literary dreams that have for so long been stifled by a countenance repressed by irrational fears. My fears were that without financial security in my life there would be no happiness, indeed there could not be. But I am not afraid of that anymore. Instead a new fear consumes me, a fear far more malignant and ominous that anything hitherto seen. I am afraid of my dreams dying. I am afraid of losing the only thing that truly makes me human. And you should be too. If there is one thing that I have realized from all of my layoffs, all of my failed attempts at fighting and scraping for just a tiny bit of security, it is that there truly is none. There is no security, not with finances, not with people, and not with trying to pursue a life that many of us never imagined but have woken up to find ourselves in all the same. But there are costs, and those costs are the dreams you have for whatever life you want to live. That is the part of you that makes you special, the part of you that is makes life worth living, and no one can ever take that from you...but sadly, it can be given away.

Don't give away your dreams, and don't give up on them either. As we begin a new year full of endless possibilities, ask yourself if the life you have found yourself in is the one you want or merely the one you have accepted. Is it a life centered on holding onto security or living your dreams? With each drop of the ball in Times Square, with each rendition of Auld Lang Syne, we are that much closer to writing our final chapter and closing our book forever. Our stories are coming to an end, and with them all of our unfulfilled dreams. So hold fast to your pen and start writing today, then look back in wonder at the story you have told.