Today
I bid farewell to my youth. When the first rays of the morning sun
shone into my apartment this morning, they revealed not the carefree
child of yesteryear that I once was, but a man in his thirties whose
reluctance to accept this milestone is now irrelevant. My twenties are
over, and with them pass forever into the annals of my life the seminal
events that have helped shape who I am today. I feel as if I have passed
through a closed door, where the trials and triumphs that have been
left on the other side can never be revisited or relived. Only
remembered, while the lessons they have taught me will hopefully be of
some benefit.
As
the events of my twenties now pass forever out of my grasp, I have
decided to do something that hitherto seemed unthinkable. I have decided
to offer a full confession of the people and places constituting this
past decade that every other post I have written has only alluded to. In
doing so, I hope to provide myself a comfort in years to come when the
burden of old age has caused my memory to falter. Perhaps prudence
should bid me to abandon such folly and use more discretion, but I am
emboldened by the anonymity that indifference provides, both in myself
and others. Now then, let's take a stroll through memory lane...
Age
20: My twentieth birthday found me surrounded by friends, albeit not at
some festive party but rather studying together for a Calculus test to
be given the following day. I was with my friends from childhood: Simon,
Jonathan, David, and of course my brother Scott. These men helped make
my teenage years joyous ones and I was happy enough to spend my birthday
with them, regardless of the circumstances. Several months later when I
returned to school at Auburn, I continued my routine of being
actively involved with Auburn Christian Fellowship, a student ministry
that essentially defined my collegiate years. I went to Juarez, Mexico
that year on a mission trip with ACF and remember it as being one of the
most joyous times in my life. My first year into this decade started
off well.
Age
21: Unlike most of my peers who inaugurate their arrival into the land
of legal imbibing by remembering as little of it as possible, I gave no
special importance to turning twenty-one. Drinking never had much appeal
to me and I spent most of this year continuing my involvement with
Auburn Christian Fellowship and reflecting upon which path I would take after graduation. After switching from a Business major to
Psychology/Religious Studies a year earlier, I wondered if a life in
ministry was my calling. I loved counseling people and always seemed to
have a knack for telling stories so it seemed to be a good fit. For
reasons I cannot fully explain, however, I abandoned this pursuit and
decided to follow in my father's footsteps of trying my hand at investing
in real estate. I would worry about finding a job after graduation, as
until this moment career planning was not something I ever considered.
This lack of preparation would haunt me for the next nine years.
Age:
22: Graduation from Auburn came shortly after reaching this milestone,
as did a quick dose of reality. Despite my best efforts at finding work,
the job market was not too welcoming for a twenty-two year old kid with
only a Psychology degree and no experience. My father helped me get a
job at a J.C. Penney's store in my hometown of Dothan, AL as he was
friends with the manager. The job paid $6.00/hr and consisted of
arriving at the store warehouse at 6:00 A.M. to begin unloading pallets
of merchandise from a tractor trailer. My fellow employees all had very
different backgrounds than myself. Most were single mothers or high
school drop outs whose only means of securing employment was to trade
whatever meager skills they had for an equally meager paycheck.
Surprisingly though, they were regularly in good spirits and I found
their camaraderie refreshing. However, after four months of working in
manual labor I knew that I had to do something to improve my situation. I
found an advertisement in my local newspaper for an internship with the
Alabama House of Representatives that seemed more desirable than my
current position so I decided to apply. Within a few weeks I had gone
through the interview process and was selected to begin working at the
Alabama State House with legislators throughout the state. I moved from
Dothan back to Auburn where I commuted to Montgomery (the Capital city)
everyday and considered myself fortunate that my luck seemed to be
turning. It was also at this time that I met Jessica, a beautiful
college freshman whose brown eyes and flowing sandy-colored hair quickly
captured my heart. We dated for just a few months, until she found
someone else and ended our relationship on the steps of Samford Hall.
This was my first heartbreak, a feeling which seemed both strange in its
rapidity and severity, like being stabbed and watching your attacker
run away. Despite getting back together a few months later, things
eventually fizzled out and we lost touch, a pattern that would repeat
itself frequently over the years with many other women.
Age
23: As the conclusion of my internship with the Alabama Legislature was
fast approaching, I had to decide what to do afterwards. Since I had
always wanted to start my own real estate business, I decided to attain
my MBA and was selected into The University of Alabama's program.
Graduate School was never something that I had intended to undertake but
I was quickly learning that life is about improvising and making the
best decision given your current situation. I reasoned that an MBA would
give me the best possible career opportunities and was happy to be back
in school again. It was during a party in November of my Fall semester
that I met a girl who would have a profound impact upon my life. Her
name was Martha Jean, a name I have never mentioned throughout my entire
journal and have been very careful to avoid. Even writing her name now
causes me pain. She was a twenty year old undergrad, very buxom with a
mane of wild blonde hair and an infectious smile I can see even now. We
became very close over the next few months, spending nearly all of our
time outside of class together with many nights of companionship that
can be left to your imagination. To be with her was like looking into a
mirror, for I could see myself in her in a way that I had never
experienced with anyone before. She was so very smart, with a mind that
kept me enthralled and the wherewithal to continually challenge me. She
challenged me to think deeply and I loved her for it. She was the first
girl I ever fell in love with, and I never even told her...
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