I Have to Go See About a Girl

Ornela,

This was our day. This was the day that we were supposed to be together in Boston after three long years apart. I've thought a lot about you today. I've also thought a lot about how you said that you weren't ready to see me because you're not ready for a commitment. But that's not what we had to figure out during our time together. All we had to figure out is where our feelings for each other really are. We haven't seen each other in so long, and it would be foolish to jump into anything without first seeing if we can still make each other laugh, and make each other smile. That's something we're only going to know for sure if we see each other. How else can we know? 

Nearly four months ago you asked me back into your life. When I read your letter, all I wanted to do was get in my car and drive all the way from Atlanta to Boston to see you. But I did not do that. I did not do that because I thought that we had time to plan out a trip and coordinate our schedules, but now I see that our time was already running out. Something has happened in the past few weeks that caused you to send me that e-mail stating that everything is over, but because you will not talk to me I have no idea what has happened or even if you are alright. I am worried about you, and I have made a decision to do something that I should have done a long time ago.

I love you Ornela, and loving someone means trusting them completely. It means having faith in them...just as I have faith in you. That is why I am trusting you completely right now. On Wednesday, October 1st, I will be in Boston. I am going to spend the entire day at the Public Garden next to Boston Common Park where we strolled through the gardens on that cold January night three years ago. At 7:00 p.m., I am going to be standing on the bridge that overlooks the lake. We kissed there once, and it is the place where I should have asked you to be my girlfriend. I will be standing there, waiting for you, and trusting that you will come.  

I have faith in you Ornela. I have faith that you will come find me at the park for one simple reason...I believe that in your heart you still love me.

7:00 p.m. on Wednesday at the bridge...I will be waiting for you there.

Love,

Bobby

Last Letter

I look up and see a plane screeching across a blue sky. Somehow I know that is the one, the flight bound for Boston. Its cabin is full, save for a single empty seat, the seat I should be sitting in...smiling, as I am finally on my way to see you after three long years apart.


But I am not on that plane. Instead, I am sitting beneath an old oak tree in an abandoned cotton field outside of Atlanta, watching the soaring jet fly further and further away until finally it disappears over the horizon.


From my pocket I retrieve a pencil and a piece of paper and write you my last letter:


I am sorry Ornela. I am sorry for all the times I ignored you, for taking you for granted, and for hurting you all those years ago. I am sorry for what I said to you in Boston on our last night together and for abandoning you. I never understood how deeply I hurt you...until now. Watching the person you love walk away is the most terrible feeling in the world, and I finally understand that now...because I am watching you walk out of my life.


It hurts very much that you ended things so abruptly and are now completely ignoring me, and I don't understand why you won't let me see you to talk about how you are feeling. Without looking into my eyes, how will you ever truly know what might have been? How will you ever truly know whether or not you love me?


Six years we have known each other. Three years we dated. And for the past eight months, since my first letter arrived in a small box containing a novel written only for you, I have done everything I can to show you that I am in love with you. In your last message to me you said that our relationship was never easy, and you're right, it never was. But nothing worth having in life ever is, which is why I was willing to fight for you and move all the way across the country just to be with you. Something always kept drawing us back together...and I now realize that it was because we both fell in love with each other from the moment we met, even if we didn't know it at the time.


I've never told you this before, and honestly I'm not sure why I am telling you now, but you are the only girl I ever took down to my family's lake house in Florida. I know that experience probably meant nothing to you, but it was a very serious thing for me to do as that lake house is the most sacred place in the world to me. When I was a boy, I promised myself that I would only ever take one girl down there...and that girl would be the woman I would marry. Looking back, I realize now that I was in love with you then, but those feelings were so new I did not recognize them. That night we spent on the dock gazing up at the stars was one of the most magical moments of my life. In that moment, when all the world faded away, I wish that we had made love.


In my letters I have poured out my heart and told you that I love you a hundred times over. And I could write you a thousand more letters, each more heartfelt than the last, but there is nothing I can say that you do not already know. You know how I feel about you. You know that I love you. I am giving you all that I am. Ornela, if my love is not enough, then I have nothing left to give. If you no longer want me in your life...I will go away.


I will never forget you Ornela. You showed me how to trust again and let me love you as deeply as any man has ever loved a woman. You gave me the most precious of gifts: hope and love...and for that I will always love you. When all the drama is stripped away, we are just a boy and a girl who fell in love...and maybe someday fate will bring us back together.


Love,
Bobby


p.s. This was always my favorite picture. Whenever I felt sad or lonely, I would always take a few moments to look at it and remember that you loved me. I've looked at this photo a thousand times, always seeing your smiling face...a smile that reminds me that I once made you happy.

 

Flowers and Thorns

When I was a man much younger than I am today, I once happened upon the rarest of sights, a beautiful red and black Poppy flower growing alone within an open field. But this was no ordinary field you see; this field stretched from our nation's Capitol all the way to President Lincoln's footstool, with a pillar erected to Washington somewhere in between.


Amidst the endless expanse of the National Mall, a single Poppy flower grew wild and free, its black and red petals illuminated by the sun to reveal a beauty unrivaled by even the monuments surrounding it. On a cold December day in 2008, I plucked this flower for myself and marveled at its beauty. I held it close, became intoxicated by its pleasant aroma, and quickly developed a genuine love for this blossoming flower whose simple presence lifted my spirits.


But as time went on, a terrible thing happened. I became complacent. I became inattentive. I neglected this beautiful Poppy flower, never watering it or letting it blossom in the sun, until it slowly wasted away. Its red and black petals, once as vibrant in color as a soaring eagle silhouetted against the blood red sky of the Albanian flag, now drooped and longed for the attention that I cruelly withheld. The flower begged for only a single drop of water, that it may be revitalized and reclaim a semblance of its former beauty, but I in my indifference I would not oblige. I let the flower die, and with it a future that could have been so very bright.


Years passed. From time to time I would think of the Poppy flower, how its beauty once brightened my day and made me smile. At first I paid these thoughts little regard, but as time passed these memories began to occupy more and more of my waking moments until the day arrived when I finally realized the error of my ways. Like a bolt from the heavens the realization hit me. All at once everything became clear. I loved the Poppy flower, this most beautiful creature in my life that had given me such happiness. I loved her...yet now it was too late.


I rushed home to find the forgotten Poppy flower than I had discarded so long ago. In desperation I tore through my house until at last I found a broken pot filled with dried dirt and the withered stem of a once beautiful creation. Its glorious red and black petals had long since fallen away and in their place remained only wisps of leaves that were as brittle as onion skin. I held the flower close, mourning over its loss at my hands as tears flowed from my eyes and watered the soil. For days I cried until at last every last tear had been wrung from its ducts and turned the dried potting soil into mud.


Whether it was from the resilience of the Poppy flower to remain alive or some magic contained within the love of my fallen tears I do not know, but as I looked into the flower pot I saw the tiny flower begin to grow. First a single green sprout began to emerge, followed by a few tiny leaves. Next the stem grew higher and higher until finally a kaleidoscope of red and black petals burst forth into the sunlight and filled my eyes with a beauty such as I had never seen. My Poppy flower had arisen from its grave, even more beautiful than before, its new life granted by the unconditional love I had bestowed upon it.


But as I reached out my hand to touch its beautiful petals, my finger was pricked by a thorn that jutted sharply from its stem. Blood poured from the open wound and dripped onto the flower's petals so that I could not tell whether its red color stemmed from its natural beauty or my pain. In horror I watched as the Poppy grew thorn after thorn to protect itself from my touch, preventing me from drawing closer lest I feel its pain again. Within a few moments, the beautiful red and black petals disappeared behind a veil of thorns, never again allowing me to see their beauty or touch their soft skin.


I wept when the beautiful flower turned away from me. I wept when you turned away from me Ornela. Please do not go down this path you are on. Please do not shut me out of your life. Do you not understand how close we are to something wonderful? I made a promise to you that I would never hurt you again, and it is a promise I will never break. Please pull back your thorns and stop hurting me. I love you Ornela.