But I am not on that plane. Instead, I am sitting beneath an old oak tree in an abandoned cotton field outside of Atlanta, watching the soaring jet fly further and further away until finally it disappears over the horizon.
From my pocket I retrieve a pencil and a piece of paper and write you my last letter:
I am sorry Ornela. I am sorry for all the times I ignored you, for taking you for granted, and for hurting you all those years ago. I am sorry for what I said to you in Boston on our last night together and for abandoning you. I never understood how deeply I hurt you...until now. Watching the person you love walk away is the most terrible feeling in the world, and I finally understand that now...because I am watching you walk out of my life.
It hurts very much that you ended things so abruptly and are now completely ignoring me, and I don't understand why you won't let me see you to talk about how you are feeling. Without looking into my eyes, how will you ever truly know what might have been? How will you ever truly know whether or not you love me?
Six years we have known each other. Three years we dated. And for the past eight months, since my first letter arrived in a small box containing a novel written only for you, I have done everything I can to show you that I am in love with you. In your last message to me you said that our relationship was never easy, and you're right, it never was. But nothing worth having in life ever is, which is why I was willing to fight for you and move all the way across the country just to be with you. Something always kept drawing us back together...and I now realize that it was because we both fell in love with each other from the moment we met, even if we didn't know it at the time.
I've never told you this before, and honestly I'm not sure why I am telling you now, but you are the only girl I ever took down to my family's lake house in Florida. I know that experience probably meant nothing to you, but it was a very serious thing for me to do as that lake house is the most sacred place in the world to me. When I was a boy, I promised myself that I would only ever take one girl down there...and that girl would be the woman I would marry. Looking back, I realize now that I was in love with you then, but those feelings were so new I did not recognize them. That night we spent on the dock gazing up at the stars was one of the most magical moments of my life. In that moment, when all the world faded away, I wish that we had made love.
In my letters I have poured out my heart and told you that I love you a hundred times over. And I could write you a thousand more letters, each more heartfelt than the last, but there is nothing I can say that you do not already know. You know how I feel about you. You know that I love you. I am giving you all that I am. Ornela, if my love is not enough, then I have nothing left to give. If you no longer want me in your life...I will go away.
I will never forget you Ornela. You showed me how to trust again and let me love you as deeply as any man has ever loved a woman. You gave me the most precious of gifts: hope and love...and for that I will always love you. When all the drama is stripped away, we are just a boy and a girl who fell in love...and maybe someday fate will bring us back together.
Love,
Bobby
p.s. This was always my favorite picture. Whenever I felt sad or lonely, I would always take a few moments to look at it and remember that you loved me. I've looked at this photo a thousand times, always seeing your smiling face...a smile that reminds me that I once made you happy.
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