First Letter

Dear Ornela,

I thought we would be together today, I really did. It seems foolish, I know, to suppose that you would have driven all the way down from Boston to DC just to see me this weekend, but I hoped that maybe after all this time apart your feelings for me had changed. You read my journal every day and I have always believed that you read it to feel close to me. I just want to be close to you too.

I have tried so hard this past year to be the man you always deserved, the man I should have been for you when you gave me your heart. So I wrote you letters....dozens and dozens of letters. I wrote you letters in this journal to try to show you how much I love you and that I truly am a different man than the one who told you goodbye all those years ago. I changed into a better man than who I was before...I changed for you Ornela.

Why you read my journal everyday is likely to forever remain a mystery to me. I kept hoping that you were waiting for me to say something profound, that you were waiting for me to say just the right words to open your heart and make you fall in love with me all over again, but after so many months of trying to show you how much I love you, I do not know what more I can give you. I do not know what more I can do.

Will you do something for me? Will you read an entry in my journal that I wrote over six years ago on December 10th, 2008 entitled "Tristen's Wish"? This was the first time I ever wrote about you, only three days after our first date. When I read those words that I wrote six years ago, I know without any doubt that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but if you can read those words and still feel nothing for me, then I guess it really was never meant to be.

I wish that I could look into the future and see whether or not everything we have been through together over the past year is just a difficult chapter in what will ultimately be a lifelong love story, or if this truly is the end. You know how I feel about you...you know that I love you, but I can't keep doing this forever. I can't keep giving you my heart if it is not something you want. It hurts too much.

I told you once that my love for you is unconditional, and I have never wavered in that. Ornela, I have to know...do you still have feelings for me?