Two Months

Two months ago today, you told me goodbye. I do not know if you have thought about me even once since then, but your memory has been close to my heart every day.

Ornela, have you ever made a decision that you felt at the time was the right path to take, only to realize now just how great of a mistake it was? Have you ever made a decision that you wish you could take back more than anything, a decision that you know will forever affect the rest of your life? That is how I feel every time I think back to that moment three years ago when I ended our relationship. I believed, I genuinely believed, that ending things with you was the right thing to do in order to protect you. After three years of dating, my feelings for you still had not developed into love, and I did not think that they ever would. I ended things with you not because I wanted to, nor because I wanted you out of my life...I ended things because I thought that keeping you for myself was selfish and that I was hurting you. I ended things because I thought it was the only morally right thing to do. Had I known that I would eventually fall in love with you, I never would have abandoned you that night. Instead, I would have asked you to be mine forever.

You probably think that I should just move on, that I should stop writing these letters and simply forget about you altogether, just as you have forgotten about me. But I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to move past the regret I have over that one decision three years ago...it was the single greatest mistake of my life. It is my fault...it is all my fault, and the regret I have over letting you go is a burden that I do not know how to bear.

It was never supposed to be like this for us. We were supposed to have the adoring relationship, the fairytale wedding, and the loving family...we were supposed be together for the rest of our lives.

I miss you so much.

I love you Ornela.