Last Letter

Dear Ornela,

Over the past few months that we have been apart, I have had the opportunity to seriously reflect on our relationship. After much soul searching, I have come to some realizations and I have a few things that I need to say to you.

First of all, I am sorry. Three years ago I hurt you. At the time, I did not realize how deeply, but after feeling the sting of being rejected by someone you are truly in love with, I finally understand the pain you felt. I was immature and, quite frankly, undeserving of your love, and I did not realize how unbelievably lucky I was to have someone like you in my life. While there is nothing I can do to erase the pain I caused you, I hope that you will accept my apology for hurting you. I hope that you know I truly am sorry.

I also want to apologize for my behavior over the past year, specifically from when you ended our relationship in September. From the time I sent you my first letter along with my novel in February of last year, I have bombarded you with my feelings. I came back into your life without invitation and thrust myself upon you, reopening old wounds and introducing confusion into your life. After you offered to give our relationship another chance in June, I was overjoyed, and though I knew you were going through a difficult time emotionally, I never realized how much you were hurting or the effects that pain might have on rebuilding our relationship and becoming close again. When you ended things in September, I was hurt and confused. But rather than reflecting on the reasons you had for ending our relationship, I instead chose to focus on only one thing: trying to get you back. I thought only about my needs, only about my wants, and in doing so I completely overlooked what was best for you. You told me that you were not ready for a relationship, and that should have been enough of a reason for me to stop pursuing you. It should have been enough because when you love someone, you care more about their wellbeing than your own. You care about what is best for them...and somehow, in all of my desire for a relationship with you, I forgot that. I am so sorry Ornela...I am so sorry for how selfish I have been and how I have treated you over these past few months.

When we said goodbye at Logan Airport you asked me not to contact you unless you reached out to me first, and I agreed to abide by that. But I broke that promise. What you must have thought when you read the letter I sent you on Christmas I do not know, but I know that you did not respond. It was at that moment that I finally realized you simply wanted me to leave you alone. So that is what I will do. I will not call, text, or e-mail you anymore. I will respect your privacy.

I still have feelings for you Ornela. I still love you and, truthfully, would like to have a relationship with you. But that is your decision to make, and whatever your decision is I must respect it. If one day your feelings for me should return, I am always here for you. And if you never wish to see me again, I will respect that decision as well. As I told you during our discussion on that first night at Harvard, your heart is yours to give, not mine to demand. I love you, but more than that...I respect you.

You are a good woman Ornela, and I truly am in love with you.

Love,

Bobby