If I could turn back the hands of time, I would give everything I have just to relive the moment we shared together at Boston Common Park on that cold January night three years ago. As we held each other close on the bridge overlooking the frozen lake, I was shaking...not from the cold, but from the excitement of holding the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my arms. In that moment, when we looked into each other's eyes and kissed, I wish that I had asked you to be my girlfriend. I wish that I had asked you to be mine forever. If I had said those few simple words, our lives would be completely different today.
Ornela, do you ever think about what our lives would be like today if I had asked you to be my girlfriend on that night three years ago? I think about it every day. I think about how happy we would have been walking hand in hand back to your home, both of us knowing that we had just embarked on a journey to share the rest of our lives together. I think about the late nights we would have spent simply talking and sharing our hearts until the sun comes up, the travels around the world we would have taken as we explored exotic new lands, and even the family we might one day have had together. That is the life I wanted...the life I wanted to share only with you.
On this frigid night in DC, I wish you were here beside me as we hold each other close, just as we did on that cold night in Boston three years ago. I just wish we were together tonight.
Ornela, I miss you very much. If you are reading these words, it means you still think about me too. It means that you still want to be close to me by reading my love letters to you. Can we please talk?
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There is something I want to thank you for Ornela, something very personal that I have never told you. Before I met you, I had been through a series of relationships where I cared very deeply for the girl I was dating but had never fallen in love with her. After so many of these failed relationships, I truly believed that I was incapable of ever falling in love...that is why I asked you on our last night together three years ago what it felt like to fall in love with someone. The reason I ended our relationship that night, the real reason...not the one I told you, is because I thought that my inability to ever fall in love was hurting you. I thought that I was wasting your time, that I was wasting your life, and that the only way to protect you from my selfishness was to let you go so that you could find someone who could love you in a way I did not think I ever could. So I told you goodbye, not because I wanted to, but because I thought I had to.
But then something amazing happened. For reasons that I still do not fully understand, I fell in love with you Ornela. Maybe it was through writing my novel that my feelings for you changed from simple affection to love, or perhaps my love for you was there from the day we met and simply needed a very long period of time to fully mature. The truth is that I do not know why I fell in love with you after so much time apart or why I am still in love with you today...I just know that I am.
I know that none of this matters to you now. I know that you don't love me anymore. But I wanted to at least let you know the real reason I ended our relationship three years ago. I did what I thought was best for you. I did what I thought was right...but in the end I could not have been more wrong. I never expected to fall in love with you after I said goodbye...I never expected to still be in love with you even now. But you showed me that I can fall in love. You let me fall in love with you. It is the greatest gift you have given me...the greatest gift anyone could ever receive.
Te dua.
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